and then the melancholy hits

“I began to understand that suffering and disappointments and melancholy are there not to vex us or cheapen us or deprive us of our dignity but to mature and transfigure us.”
― Hermann Hesse, Peter Camenzind

water and chalk

the best thing about spring so far has been playing with sidewalk chalk and the hose. that is really all you need to entertain a group on kids on a beautiful sunny day.

sunday dinner

i know that for a lot of people, especially around here, if you asked what was their favorite thing about sunday is they'd list the various things they enjoy about church. and i appreciate spiritual enlightenment on sundays, but the best thing for me on sundays is the food.

and it's nice to know that my kids love my food as much as i do. in primary yesterday the kids were asked what they loved the most about their moms. jackson's hand shot straight up and he said "my mom is the best cook!"

i'm not gonna lie. i was proud. and i was extra happy to be in the kitchen yesterday baking rolls, mashing potatoes and smelling that delicious turkey roast in the crock pot.

the one where they have big muscles

nate has been doing a lot of soul searching lately to figure out what he wants to do with his life. he's almost done with school and he has a lot of really cool career options available to him.

i think destiny came knocking this evening and showed us a clear path for not only him, but our boys as well. We could build a legacy and pass it on to generations of Boden's.

my kids are still littles and they helped their friend and his mom move out of their apartment. they weren't just sitting around playing either. see all that stuff by the truck? They hauled all the stuff up a flight of stairs. no joke here. they were born to move. born to be heavy lifters.

i can see it now.

"BODEN & SONS MOVING COMPANY"

future.

colors

i saw this photo (tatler UK) earlier this morning and was totally mesmerized. mostly because i was super tired, but also because of that color palette. it really made me wish i had a little girl so i could decorate her room using these colors.

a day with payton

is it corny to say that payton's birthday was "dreamy"? 

well, corny or not it was dreamy.

i'd had one of the worst days ever the day before his birthday. waking up in the morning finding out that someone has stolen your debit card number and gone on a shopping spree sucks balls. big time. but the god's of fraudulent charges were smiling down on me and i was able to take care of everything that day. 

when it comes to birthdays for my boys i like to keep them small. now that i'm an adult and all "self aware" i realize how much big gatherings stress me out. when they're older they can have big birthday parties with friends, but while they're small i want to soak up all the memories that i can. 

after payton had cake and opened his presents jackson went to his cousins house for a sleepover. so payton and i set up his hot wheels tracks and put together his various lego sets. we played, laughed, he told funny stories, then he told me "all i wanted for my birthday was to spend time with you".

seriously, best.thing.ever.

then i laid down on his bed and fell asleep listening to the cute sounds and things he would say while playing with his legos. 

it was dreamy.

raising boys

one year older and wiser too

has it really been 5 years since this little man arrived?

aren't little tee ball players the cutest

payton had his first tee ball practice last night. it was extra fun since not only does he love playing baseball, but his best friend eli is on the same team.

i love love love this time of year when we get to spend our evenings outside at baseball games.

happiness is a tricky thing

i follow a blog called the wild and wily ways of a brunette bombshell. you wouldn't believe what an amazing writer this woman is. She can write about something that i don't relate to in any way, but i find myself totally feeling the emotion and it wakes up something deep inside me. 

it sounds corny, i know. but for reals, this chick is amazing.

sometimes she writes about the eating disorder that she's struggled with and part of what she wrote today totally spoke to me.

happiness is a tricky thing, wouldn't you say? it's always somewhere else. over there. contingent upon when i's and if i's and the like. for me, for so long, it was well, when i'm thin, if i ever get thin then i'll be happy. i won't feel sadness, i won't feel anxious...i won't have to worry about sidelong glances from this person or that person, i won't have to fear. 


i won't have to fear. 


that was probably the big one. thin would eradicate all the ills of my life. it would be the plateau on which i would coast.


here's the thing.


thin does none of those things. absolutely not one. don't get me wrong, it has its advantages, but it does not heal relationships--it doesn't heal the part of yourself that is so hurting and broken--the part of you that becomes co-conspirator in this fallacy so that it gets left alone to fester and brood.

see. she's good. 

i spend so much time thinking about how great life will be when i'm as thin as i was when i met nate. but if i think that nothing can be better unless i'm thin then not only will things never get better, but i'll also never get thin like i want to be. 

so check out her blog.