devil woman

i haven't been around much lately. 

and that's a good thing.

because if you'd been around me lately you'd have seen my grumpy alter ego that doesn't like people and doesn't care about people.

i think it was just the culmination of a million things at once. i'm pretty sure it started when my air conditioner went out. am i the only one who turns into a beast when it's too hot??? my personality literally changes when it's too hot. 

i think the other thing is something only a military wife can understand. maybe not though. my husband was gone for almost two years. that's a long time. i didn't realize until he got home how comfortable i was with him being gone. not in a bad way. i'm not saying i'm not happy having him home. i'm incredibly happy to have him back. it's just become very apparent how independent i got and how important MY schedule became to my general attitude. i got used to sleeping alone. so did he. it's weird sharing a bed again.

it's been a time of a lot of adjustments for our little family. and i wasn't prepared for it so i found myself getting angry at everything. my kids were probably thinking "who's this devil woman who's taken over my mom's body". okay, i haven't been that bad. but still, i haven't been my happy cheery self either and kids are sensitive to that. 

but it's funny how the small things get you out of your funk. i always expect this grand amazing event or epiphany but it's always the little things. i was sitting by the pool for the boys morning swimming lessons and jackson was just sitting on the grass playing quietly with his toys. he was alternating between playing with his batman toys and looking up at the clouds daydreaming. he was just so sweet sitting there and having that opportunity to observe him brought that sense of pride and amazement. he's mine. i made him. what else in life could possibly bring me more happiness than those two little boys who drive me so crazy sometimes?