and then the melancholy hits

“I began to understand that suffering and disappointments and melancholy are there not to vex us or cheapen us or deprive us of our dignity but to mature and transfigure us.”
― Hermann Hesse, Peter Camenzind

water and chalk

the best thing about spring so far has been playing with sidewalk chalk and the hose. that is really all you need to entertain a group on kids on a beautiful sunny day.

sunday dinner

i know that for a lot of people, especially around here, if you asked what was their favorite thing about sunday is they'd list the various things they enjoy about church. and i appreciate spiritual enlightenment on sundays, but the best thing for me on sundays is the food.

and it's nice to know that my kids love my food as much as i do. in primary yesterday the kids were asked what they loved the most about their moms. jackson's hand shot straight up and he said "my mom is the best cook!"

i'm not gonna lie. i was proud. and i was extra happy to be in the kitchen yesterday baking rolls, mashing potatoes and smelling that delicious turkey roast in the crock pot.

the one where they have big muscles

nate has been doing a lot of soul searching lately to figure out what he wants to do with his life. he's almost done with school and he has a lot of really cool career options available to him.

i think destiny came knocking this evening and showed us a clear path for not only him, but our boys as well. We could build a legacy and pass it on to generations of Boden's.

my kids are still littles and they helped their friend and his mom move out of their apartment. they weren't just sitting around playing either. see all that stuff by the truck? They hauled all the stuff up a flight of stairs. no joke here. they were born to move. born to be heavy lifters.

i can see it now.

"BODEN & SONS MOVING COMPANY"

future.

colors

i saw this photo (tatler UK) earlier this morning and was totally mesmerized. mostly because i was super tired, but also because of that color palette. it really made me wish i had a little girl so i could decorate her room using these colors.

a day with payton

is it corny to say that payton's birthday was "dreamy"? 

well, corny or not it was dreamy.

i'd had one of the worst days ever the day before his birthday. waking up in the morning finding out that someone has stolen your debit card number and gone on a shopping spree sucks balls. big time. but the god's of fraudulent charges were smiling down on me and i was able to take care of everything that day. 

when it comes to birthdays for my boys i like to keep them small. now that i'm an adult and all "self aware" i realize how much big gatherings stress me out. when they're older they can have big birthday parties with friends, but while they're small i want to soak up all the memories that i can. 

after payton had cake and opened his presents jackson went to his cousins house for a sleepover. so payton and i set up his hot wheels tracks and put together his various lego sets. we played, laughed, he told funny stories, then he told me "all i wanted for my birthday was to spend time with you".

seriously, best.thing.ever.

then i laid down on his bed and fell asleep listening to the cute sounds and things he would say while playing with his legos. 

it was dreamy.

raising boys

one year older and wiser too

has it really been 5 years since this little man arrived?

aren't little tee ball players the cutest

payton had his first tee ball practice last night. it was extra fun since not only does he love playing baseball, but his best friend eli is on the same team.

i love love love this time of year when we get to spend our evenings outside at baseball games.

happiness is a tricky thing

i follow a blog called the wild and wily ways of a brunette bombshell. you wouldn't believe what an amazing writer this woman is. She can write about something that i don't relate to in any way, but i find myself totally feeling the emotion and it wakes up something deep inside me. 

it sounds corny, i know. but for reals, this chick is amazing.

sometimes she writes about the eating disorder that she's struggled with and part of what she wrote today totally spoke to me.

happiness is a tricky thing, wouldn't you say? it's always somewhere else. over there. contingent upon when i's and if i's and the like. for me, for so long, it was well, when i'm thin, if i ever get thin then i'll be happy. i won't feel sadness, i won't feel anxious...i won't have to worry about sidelong glances from this person or that person, i won't have to fear. 


i won't have to fear. 


that was probably the big one. thin would eradicate all the ills of my life. it would be the plateau on which i would coast.


here's the thing.


thin does none of those things. absolutely not one. don't get me wrong, it has its advantages, but it does not heal relationships--it doesn't heal the part of yourself that is so hurting and broken--the part of you that becomes co-conspirator in this fallacy so that it gets left alone to fester and brood.

see. she's good. 

i spend so much time thinking about how great life will be when i'm as thin as i was when i met nate. but if i think that nothing can be better unless i'm thin then not only will things never get better, but i'll also never get thin like i want to be. 

so check out her blog.

tradition

i hope your easter was a wonderful as ours. 

when it comes to holidays and traditions i'm pretty low key. there a few things that i try to do with each holiday, but there is little fanfare. i get stressed out when there are plans and parties and expectations. i like my holidays to be easy and flexible. 

i had planned a few things for easter. we woke up in the morning and did easter baskets. then we got ready for the day and went to church. when we came out of the chapel three hours later it was warm and bright and all the trees were blooming. 

i stood under a tree and look a picture of those blossoms and thought "there's no way we're staying inside today." 

is my time better spent in the kitchen fixing a big holiday meal, or outside enjoying the day with my family? 

we put tradition to the side and enjoyed the beautiful day together. outside. as a family.

lemon

i'm not a good dancer.

considering my natural athletic ability you'd think that i could dance. but sadly i was not blessed with those skills.

i do enjoy dancing though. the problem is that the people around me don't enjoy it so much. unless they're looking for a laugh.

you won't find me doing sexy dance moves to seduce my husband either. i gave it a try a couple times, but he laughed awkwardly and probably felt really bad for me.

i think liz lemon stole some of my awkward moves.

a link list of sorts

when looking for "blog bling" and awesome photoshop tutorials your first stop should be pugly pixel.
i always go here for the wild and wily ways of a brunette bombshell.
if you're at all crafty you need to visit this place regularly.
great hair inspiration.
someday i'll be flexible enough to do this again.

kntting club

i was catching up with one of my oldest friends last week. she filled me in on how she'd had another baby and didn't tell me. and how she was having heart problems during her pregnancy and didn't tell me (thanks Patty..). then she asked me what i'd been up to.

and my cool response was, "well, i just got done with my knitting club."

all i heard from her was laughter. crazy maniacal laughter. 

okay, she didn't laugh like a maniac. but she had the same reaction that most people do when i say the words "knitting club." total laughter and a few granny jokes at my expense.

nate has long told me that i'll make the best grandma ever. i already have all the hobbies of wonderful grandma's everywhere. and guess what dudes..i'm proud of it.

anywho.

since all the kids are on spring break we took our group to the park so the kids could play while the moms do what we do (mostly talk. knit a little bit).

they spent most of their time on the tire swing.

then they realized that the tire swing creates just as much pain as fun.

jackson smacked his head on somebody's head and payton thought he was going to throw up.

i didn't get much knitting done but the main reason we get together to knit was enjoyed. we talked, enjoyed the weather, and the kids played their hearts out.

and go ahead and call me granny. i'm cool with it.

downtown

to celebrate the first day of spring break we rode trax downtown and had a little mini adventure. 

maybe i've said this before...but i don't really like living in utah. 

maybe that's because i never go outside my comfort zone and see what all utah has to offer. so this little journey helped me feel a little bit better about being here.

but seriously, i've been back here for almost 3 years. you'd think i'd be okay with being here by now. 

what a loser.